Eunos Chump

I caved in to peer pressure today and bought a Wii. I've been thinking about it for a while, I liked the idea of the daft controller and games that don't require you to invest hours, or even days of your time (I'm talking about you, evil PC with your life-wrecking Sins of a Solar Empire ). I've only got Wii Sports (until I get it mod chipped), already I'm being totally owned by Russ and Mrs B, who seem to have a natural ability to throw virtual bowling balls and fists about. My superior brain is obviously struggling to cope with such mindless pap. Yes, I'm convinced of it. I don't know what that picture above is, it's just random Japanese nonsense I stumbled upon when I was looking at Wii stuff. I'd like to be a Manga schoolgirl.

The car passed it's MOT today, so as it's finally legal I took Russ out for a blast this evening. We had fun, fun, fun, fun, fun until the boost went away... the trunking came off the throttle body with a loud POP when I was giving it a particularly savage caning. You have to test these things, don't you? Managed to struggle home though. It's quickity-quick above 3500rpm, you have to keep the revs up though. The turbo is very loud, it's a good loud though and suggests the mother of all vacuum cleaners is getting angry under the bonnet. It's addictive stuff. It badly needs bypass valve, there's a surprising amount of compressor surge which causes a moment of hesitation when zooming up the gears. I don't want to pay £90 for some Barryboy chrome thing though, I'm going to try to find a Bosch one on a scrapyard (it's found on Saabs, Volvos, VW/Audi, etc). Then I'll have to find some way of bodging it on.

I broke off the passenger door mirror the other day, usual problem, the joint had rusted away. Fixed with a galvanised nut, bolt and spring washers. Did most of the outstanding work needed for the MOT (plumbing in the washers, adjusting the handbrake), torqued-up all the suspension nuts and bolts, and fitted the turbo heat shield (which is a cunningly shaped slice of PC case).

Had a bit of a disaster today, the clamp that holds the turbo body to the turbine casing let go. I lifted the bonnet in time to see the 2 halves come apart as the engine died. I was pretty sure that was going to result in a mangled turbine wheel, but after it cooled down I took it apart and it seems I may have gotten away with it. The blades must have brushed the casing as the edges have a shine on them, though they're not otherwise misshapen and the casing itself is unmarked. There's a good chance it's out of balance now though, I'll have to keep an eye on it. I found the air filter was hard-up against the bulkhead, I believe this combined with the engine moving about overstressed the clamp. I've made some adjustments so free up some space (eg: I chopped out what remained of the A/C pipes with a hacksaw).

Er... it's finished. The turbo is on, nothing seems to leak and it runs sweetly. First of all, I bolted up the turbo and connected the oil lines, turned the engine over on the starter for about 20 seconds, then checked oil was present in the turbo drain... and it wasn't. Oh dear. Then I remembered I'd changed the oil, so of course it was going to take a little while for the oil to find it's way there. Another 20 seconds on the starter, and the golden goodness was there. Next step was to install the trunking, and to actually attempt to start it. I did consider getting out the video camera for this, to catch the moment of fiery explosion so my family would have at least some record of my final moments (and perhaps get £250 off Harry Hill), but couldn't be arsed. So I just switched it on and it started immediately, no drama whatsoever. I let it idle for about 10 mins, smoke was pouring off the turbine casing by now but I was pretty sure it was just the

I'm pleased to say the bloody sump barb is finally fitted. I found a tap and drill bit locally (at a cost of £57! Just think of all the chips I could have bought with that), and the whole job only took about an hour. Below is my home-made guide, specially made for a UK audience who don't have access to the likes of Home Depot (this is a redneck version of B&Q I believe, where I understand you can buy stove stacks, assault weapons, and Waltons-style underwear): Stage 1: Get the Kit I used an alloy sump barb, recommended by MX5Mad . This is a Ford Transit component, part number 6148087, and costs about £8 from Ford dealers. To drill the hole, I used a 14mm drill bit. That's a larger diameter than most domestic drills can handle, the one I bought had a 12mm shank. Obtain a 3/8" 18 NPT tap. Mine cost £35+VAT, but you can find them cheaper on the internet. I fixed the barb in using JB Weld, but I reckon Chemical Metal would work just as well, and that'

I have this week off, so the plan is to have the car ready for MOT next weekend. The photo above is immediately before I started work; PAS pump has been moved out of the way, washer bottle moved in front of the radiator, and all mountings for the air filter/AFM/trunking removed. I've been spraying the manifold nuts with WD40 regularly for the past 4 days, as well as the 3 nuts at the frontpipe. This made them very easy to remove (though one of the manifold studs did come out with the nut). Taking the front wheel off gave fairly good access to the frontpipe. I had to do away with the bracket that secures the frontpipe to the bellhousing, it prevents the Greddy kit being installed and stops the manifold from being removed. It was massively rusted, it looked like something from the Titanic; I had to hacksaw through it.

As I'd mentioned in an earlier post, the rebuild instructions provided by the kit supplier missed out some important steps. No mention is made of the piston O-ring, nor separating the turbo core from the turbine housing (and it's critical to scribe a mark between these to ensure they go back exactly as they were, else you'll lose the balance). The turbo is back together now though, and I'm pretty confident it'll be fine (not 100%, mind). It was worth doing, the piston seal was completely shot and would likely have created an oil leak into the intake = blue smoke. I was going to write a guide, but somebody has beaten me to it . Tightening up the bolt was awkward, I used the setup below but it still took around 10 attempts. Tips: I could find no engine assembly lube, so used fresh motor oil instead. You need to use proper circlip pliers to get the snap rings on/off, attempting to cut corners will make the job vastly more difficult, and possibly dangerous (the compress

Mrs B and I spent some romantic moments together today, her with a screwdriver and me with circlip pliers trying to get the big bastard snap ring off the turbo compressor housing. The very strongest language was required, but eventually we succeeded. I've now completely disassembled the turbulator and it's greasy innards are displayed below for your pleasure. The rebuild instructions I got from G-Pop Shop lacked detail, so I intend to post a better guide here. Trouble is, I have man-flu at the moment and have expended what meagre energy I had taking the bloody thing apart. So it'll have to wait.

MOT is booked for the end of the month, so I'm going to stick the turbo on next week. I've ordered JB Weld from Frost (to secure the hose barb into the sump), a set of taps and dies from Amazon (to tap the hole for the barb), and some heat reflective tape for the water hoses from Raceparts .

It was almost Summer today so I moved the car outside... I'm sorry, a small black animal has just come into the room and has used my new issue of Practical Classics magazine as a toilet. Anyway, I had a big session today and finished off all the suspension jobs. The rubbish in the photo above is all the junk I've removed over the past few weeks (shocks, rusted springs and all the aircon have already gone to the recycling centre), and the car now sits on fully refurbished suspension with adjustable Koni Sport shocks and springs. I've set the spring perches to the middle of the 3 available settings, which sits the car about 35mm lower, and have initially set the firmness to 2 rotations from softest. This lowness creates a new problem; my trolley jack now can't lift the car high enough to put axle stands under it. I found a way using blocks of wood, but it was a bit precarious and could have landed me a Darwin award!

Name: Jack Manufacturer: Collie/Labrador alliance Date of Manufacture: December 2007 Transmission: 4x4 Jack is a quiet, easy-going chap with a highly productive backside. His hobbies include sleeping and eating the rug.

That's a '83 model Quattro, isn't it? Cortina Ghia police car? I don't think so. Yes, I've spent the evening being pedantic in front of the TV rather than going outside and attaching a wildly expensive Mazda OE nut and bolt to the car. I want Quattro now. NOW!

I extended the wires to the relocated washer bottle this evening. For a change, I've done it properly with soldered joins and heat shrink tubing and it looks pretty good. The tubing was very easy to shrink, a minute in front of my little fan heater was all that was required. Assembled the last strut too, ready for fitting. Looks like I'm drilling the sump for the turbo drain this weekend; I am afraid.

I bought a little fan heater for the garage today, only £10 and it quickly warms the place to at least single figures. It's to make painting easier, OK? I'm from Norfolk, I'm not scared of a little cold... Got that strut bolt out, patience and plenty of WD40 paid off. Prepped the wishbones for paint, tedious mucky work but at least I'm getting there.

With the offside front suspension completed, it was time to turn the car around to start on the final corner, the near side front. Pushing it was going to be far too much effort, so I put it back together to drive it. Naturally, I couldn't resist a little ride to the end of the road, despite the lack of PAS (didn't reattach the pump)... the immediate impression is NOISE! I knew the exhaust and de-cat pipe would be louder, but it's a big rorty 60's sportscar noise and it's just awesome. I'm sure it would get pretty tiring on the motorway though, so I'm kind of glad the turbo will mute it. Suspension on this side of the car definitely doesn't want to play ball. It took serious effort to break the taper on the upper balljoint, I even had Mrs B out there thumping it. I managed to get my pukka ball-joint seperator on it eventually and that did it, but wrecked the boot in the process. Now the bolt at the base of the strut is seized inside the bush, I

Bit parky today, it took me a little while to find the motivation to do some work. All little jobs today, apart from making up a bracket for the washer bottle, to allow it to fit in front of the radiator. Access was awkward and it was mostly trial and error, but I knocked up the above using stuff I found in the garage. It's fits nicely, though it only has that single bolt holding it and I reckon it will sag when full; need to lash up some kind of support for the base.