Eunos Chump

Friday was the last track day of the year with MoT , and incredibly it stayed dry and sunny all day.  There were nearly 50 cars there so the track was pretty busy, even congested at times.  Nobody crashed, that's a first!  No issues with the clutch, and the brakes were at least consistent, if not very good.  I blew off an intercooler hose at one point, but it was an easy fix. A couple of laps... and beating a 911 into submission :) After lunch (an expensive cheeseburger that came in a pretty Motorsport Vision box), I topped up the oil... but was distracted and forgot to put the filler cap back on!  That made a bit of a mess, and I had to rig something up to get me home.  The round bit from the spare wheel, a bolt that mysteriously appeared in the footwell, a nut from the fusebox and some cable ties were fashioned into a McGyver-style solution.  It wouldn't have been suitable for track use so I headed for home early, at least missing the M25 traffic. It's been pu

Early morning, and it was cold and damp... I was on different wheels and brand-new Toyo T1Rs... It was another excellent MoT event, especially in the afternoon when the track dried out.  The morning was mostly frightening, especially Druids which not only was very slippery, but I kept getting wrong (often arriving too fast and on the wrong side of the track).  Mi5 from the MX5Nutz forum unfortunately put his Mk2 into the barrier, there was a lot of panel damage but the car is still straight, apparently.   Car was great, the torsen differential gave phenomenal grip around tight bends (in fact my neck is still aching), and the bigger wheels/tyres have gone a long way to curb it's skittish feel. I've got a camera mount in the car now, which is very handy for catching those magical moments such as the grass-mowing incident at the end of this clip... The turbo was very hot following this, and had worked loose of course.  Other casualties are the brakes (suspect boiled

I had this roll bar fitted by Tim Lane yesterday, and I'm very pleased with it.  It's a very substantial bit of kit but it hardly impedes on the seat travel, and it's away from your head, something that can't be said of it's expensive American alternative.  It took the best part of 3 hours to fit (though I just hung about drinking tea and holding the occasional spanner, as is becoming the norm), and most of that was dismantling then reassembling the trim.  It looked pretty easy to fit DIY, 10 holes to drill and cutting some squares out of the thin removable steel panel  under the parcel shelf. I've decided to do Brands Hatch on the 4th December now, if the car is broken I'll just take the Beemer and smoke everybody out.  Tyres are shot so I've got some more T1Rs coming - this time to go on the 15" wheels I bought back in May and have done nothing with.  They're white... respray in pink perhaps?  Mmmmm...

I've been enjoying Forza 3, but not with the poxy gamepad.  I've got the Microsoft wheel/pedals now and it's hugely ACE and transforms the game.  It sat so high on the desk I needed to make up a kind-of drop shelf though... But not only does it improve your in-game lap times, it doubles up as a wing for real-world performance gains! This is going to be worth seconds around Brands Hatch:

...and I'm done with expensive upgrades, with updating drivers/Java/.Net/DirectX, with trying to kill processes, it's OVER.  I've bought a Xbox 360 instead, with Modern Warfare 2, Forza 3 and GTA4 'Episodes from Liberty City', all for less than the price of an upgrade.  The best bit is sticking the disk in and having it just WORK; no tinkering with graphical settings, no optimising memory.  Forza is my current favourite, it's very similar to Gran Turismo and features some of the best and most exotic cars in the world, such as this: Check out that mean machine clashing with the powah of the Yaris! The real MX5 is back on the road, after my brother fitted the new differential, prop and driveshafts.  I assisted, mostly by reminding him he hadn't drunk his tea.  I wasn't hands-on enough to post a guide, but probably the most difficult bit was detaching the diff from the PPF.  One of the driveshafts needed plenty of persuasion from a large hammer before i

Friday was the car control day at Finmere aerodrome with Mazda on Track.   This comprised 2 circuits made up of cones, full of very tight turns (some 180 degrees).  It was massive fun, and I covered 45km virtually sideways.  The car was perfect for this, turning in precisely but with huge oversteer on demand.  If it started to get away, I was able to floor it in 2nd and spin up both wheels.  I did a lot of pointless and smoky showboating, especially on the final lap when I ignored the cones and just did some doughnuts instead.  At £59 (with free cups of tea and BISCUITS), it was great value for money.  I swapped cars with another guy for a couple of laps, I drove his standard Mk2 (comfy, made mine look like a heap, but quite understeery) while he demolished a cone (slightly mangling the intercooler) in mine.  I only have this photo so far: Although the tyres were now in a shocking state (though still legal), it wasn't broken.  That came the following day... I was on the way hom

The exhaust manifold on the MX5 is cracked once more.  I've bodged it up with paste for the moment because I haven't got time to get it fixed before the car control day on Friday.  I'm pretty sure this is caused by the entire exhaust shifting about and stressing it, possibly because the clamp that secures the frontpipe to the engine has to be removed with the Greddy downpipe.  So I've made up a new one, using a 2.5" exhaust clamp and a strip of steel, secured to the bracket where the old clamp once lived.  I'll see how it holds up. The exhaust leak is causing the car to run rich, so I've rather rashly weakened off the entire fuel map to compensate.  I'll have to remember to check the AFRs before Friday! Boots News: there's a new Boots vid on YouTube, but frankly it's rubbish.  It's every musical cliche from the past 5 years compressed into a single track, very disappointing.  She's still very cute though, so I forgive her. Marshea

There's been a craze on my favourite forum (the amusing and authorative Autoshite ) for an ancient Sinclair Spectrum game called 'New Wheels John?'.  It's a text-based motor trading game, set in the early 80s, it's rubbish but strangely compelling.  Check out my selection of landmarks! I discovered the following facts about car trading: Nobody wants a Citroen GS after driving it Engines regularly fall out of Minis, but only cost £20 to replace The public are hateful, moaning time-wasters who get everything they deserve Honestly, I don't remember any game reducing me to shouting rude words out loud.  My business folded shortly after I took this screenshot, apparently I went mad, my wife left me and I ended up in the loony bin. I'm sure you're gagging for it, so you can get your very own copy of the game here , and I recommend the Fuse Spectrum emulator .  All free, of course, it's what your dual-core CPU was designed for! Mazda news:   after

Pillow News: my plutocratic pillow was soiled after just 2 days.  There was much anguish and gnashing of teeth at the time (I had to sleep on the sofa), but the cat is now a suspect.  The dog is already back in the house anyway, that's how tough on crime we are. Dental News: I broke a tooth on the fantastic baguette I was having for lunch.  Doesn't hurt thankfully, so it didn't ruin my feeding frenzy.

Although it was supposed to be Maserati day, it was gatecrashed by everything Italian - it was EXCELLENT.  Lots of Ferraris, but I only like the older ones, the new ones are too much GRRRRR LOOK AT ME!!  They bring to mind those grotesque bodybuilders wearing skimpy Speedos.  I could probably afford this one (if I sold the house... and the neighbours houses...) Top Trumps favourite, there was even a pair of period Elvis-style sunglasses on the dash Yes!  3 of them had turned up I is Joe Smooth !  Pretty cars, I like these Mondial autoshite... I like these too Surprisingly big in the metal, you'd climb up to get in it! Certainly not mint (the radio/cassette was secured to the transmission tunnel with a bungee cord) but lovely My favourite of the day.  I didn't use to like these (I always associated them with sweaty, small-time nightclub owners), but I'm coming around to them.  It was always the 328GTS for me but in this company the Dino 308's restrained l

The MX5 is STILL WORKING , that must be getting on for a month now.  I'm taking it to the Goodwood Breakfast Club tomorrow, mostly because it's a fine drive on a sunny Sunday morning but also because it's Maserati day.  I'm hoping this will lure out some of the fantastic 70's stuff, rather than a lot of tatty Biturbos and all their tedious modern stuff.  It would be nice if somebody pushed the definition and brought along a Citroen SM too - I badly want one of those. The Mazda hasn't actually seen much use recently as I've been working in London.  This means a lift to/from the station with Mrs B, and she's a tad grumpy of an evening... it's a bit like being driven by Michael Douglas in Falling Down . He just wants to get home, godammit! In other news: the dog took a leak over my pillows yesterday, though I didn't discover this until I'd actually put my head on them.  This would have led to the immediate termination of his employment co

No, not this one, the previous one with Little Boots.  I really like that vid below of 'Stuck on Repeat', in fact I prefer all of her 'bedroom' versions to the studio ones which sound like over-produced Radio 1 fodder.  Anyway, I'm going to stop going on about it - this site covers Boots news much more ably. The MX5 has been running reliably with 11psi of boost for a week now, it's surely a record.  I fitted a new turbo gasket last weekend and retuned it via the wonder of Megatune, but it's meant a return to the expensive Shell Optimax (it knocked without it).  It's mighty quick now, I love it.  Is it worth pushing for the final 3psi available before the rods exit the crankcase?  These 320cc injectors are maxxed out, larger ones are not too expensive but how about the rest of the drivetrain?  It's feeling pretty 'baggy' now, the stress is showing. Now back to the 'tube; I like this one, but it made Russ cry: And I LOVE CAT!

Mr Hawks has at last lent me his Korg Mini, after just 2 years of me bugging him.  I have no idea what I'm doing with it but it's a fantastic toy and has probably scuppered any chance of me working on the kitchen this weekend.  The primary purpose of borrowing this is to stop be buying a Tenori-on , which looks like an even more fantastic toy.  I'd probably get fed up with it after a week... but what a week that would be.  Here's a lovely picture of Little Boots with a Korg... and here's a link to her playing the Tenori-on (gentlemen viewers are warned that they may find themselves dazed and unable to concentrate for some hours after watching this): Mr Hawks somehow makes a living as a cartoonist, check out his blog and don't hesitate to send him single line emails saying "I don't get it" - I do.

The new fridge and cooker/hob arrived today, it's all coming together now! It took me about an hour to get the fridge up and running, the instructions are written in finest Chinglish. It does chilled water and ice (various types), it's all wonderfully overcomplicated and ace. Cooker is stored for now, I've not built the unit for that yet. Check out that lovely frame - Brian did that for me, I have no apptitude for wood. He's coming back to put a door on it, I can't be trusted apparently. I did put these up though. Took 6 hours, would you believe. They're very slightly larger than the old ones and I had to bash some plaster out to make them fit.

The worst is over - I hope. Mrs B has completed all the painting, the floor is finished and I've built the stud partition under the stairs (to make a little cupboard). I spent much of yesterday trying to make a door frame for it, but I've now GIVEN UP - carpentry is not for me. Where is Jesus when you need him? I've spent 3 hours painting this evening, sealing the exposed edges of the cabinets. Very tedious and I think it will need a 2nd coat. We had the washing machine running last week, my new plumbing seemed to work so we left it for 10 minutes - came back to a flood! The machine itself was at fault, cost £49 to have it repaired. I think it's got another leak now... Talking of breakdowns, the Beamer let me down again last week. It decided to stall at a very busy junction in Guildford and wouldn't restart. I had to get the AA out and he got it going eventually, after having a play with the pump in the fuel tank. Seems this is a bit weak, but it's

Kitchen progress remains slow. We've been busy but it's mostly been prepping the floor and walls so there's not much evidence of activity. Wasted this morning chasing about for plumbing bits (but at least that's largely complete now). Walls should be ready for paint tomorrow, then I can get the new floor down. There's been a last-minute change of plan with the dishwasher being dropped for a US-style fridge, which has meant a couple of small changes. I terrified the dog this afternoon when fitting the waste water pipe. He was already spooked when a 2m pipe starting to emerge through the wall... when I started speaking through it ('Jack is a baaad baaaaaad dog') it was all too much and he hid around the side of the house. Not only am I cruel to animals, I've been a tad grumpy with the rest of the tribe this weekend. Think I need another holiday... long weekend coming up! Oh, kitchen... damn.

Back to work today, so I've only had a couple of hours free. All I managed to do was nail down the floor, make a bit of wood to seal around the water pipes, and realised one of the cabinets is wrong. Used the Mazda for work today, it's still the true Ultimate Driving Machine!

Floor is down, and most of the electrics are completed. Back to work tomorrow... nice short 8 hour day, none of this 12-14 hour nonsense the gaffer here insists on. I took the Mazda to Jack Smith Trimmers in Swansea yesterday, he's rebonded the rear window and if it doesn't hold will put on a new hood, free of charge - that's quality service. 500 miles without incident too (apart from the obvious trauma of travelling any distance in a car with rock-hard suspension and a loud exhaust). I was utterly exhausted when I got back and slept for 4 hours.

Even further behind schedule, but at least the floor is almost complete. I'm having trouble finding somebody to fit the worktops now, looks like it's going to be Tuesday before the new sink can be fitted. Bingo has been earning it's keep. Tomorrow I've got a day off, the MX5 is going back to Swansea to have a new rear window fitted. I've got the dump valve on but the bloody thing leaks - air is getting past the piston making the idle extremely rich (with black smoke like the truck from Duel ). Pesky eBay rubbish! I've got the vacuum hose unconnected for now, so it runs and the valve does still work a bit. I don't really need this hassle on top of the 12 hours-a-day in the kitchen though. Looking forward to a nice rest at work next week... my whole body aches, I've got numerous cuts/scratches/bruises, and my fingers are sore from hammering/sawing.

We've slipped behind schedule today, the new floor was supposed to be complete but this is as far as I've got. It took around 6 hours to remove the old floor covering! It was hardboard with lino tiles, and at some point it must have got wet and wrinkly because it had been secured with HUNDREDS of nails. The whole lot came up in small fragments, and we had to yank out all the nails to ensure nobody hurt themselves on them in the interim. New kitchen has arrived and is in the garage, I would really like to get the new sink working tomorrow but it's a tall order. Mazda news - dump valve arrived yesterday, it attaches via an aluminium bung. Mrs B tried to find somebody capable of welding this on, but no joy. I've now stuck it on with the bodging paste of the professional, JB Weld . I might put a bit of wire around the valve, just in case it falls off in service!

Progress made in the last 24 hours: all but essentials have been removed, exciting electrical and plumbing bodges discovered (the latter will need re-doing from scratch), tiles and wallpaper gone. Space to be made for a dishwasher. Everybody has been working on it today, even monkeyboy has been stripping wallpaper. Tomorrow: new kitchen should arrive. Priority will be replacing the floor, with the aim of having the new sink up and working by Friday evening. Else we'll be washing dishes in the bath.

At 4pm today (well, it was yesterday now) OPERATION KITCHEN officially began. First casualties were the vile green tiles around the cooker, closely followed by the wall cabinets and vile extractor hood. The new kitchen (Wickes TOPPEST QUALITY fast-buck-property-developer-style) should arrive Thursday. I don't want to do it though... I want to play Anno 1404 all day, every day, I love that game! Managing the cider production, knocking out some leather jerkins, exporting 20 tonnes of indigo... it's just lovely. I am not going to calculate how many hours I've spent on it recently.

There's been no proper holiday this year because of OPERATION KITCHEN but the boy and I had a couple of nights in Blackpool last week. I'd not been there since the mid 90s (when I left early in disgust), but I visited it as a child and loved it, so thought I'd give monkeyboy a chance to experience it. Surely it couldn't be as bad as Tenby or Yarmouth, could it? Actually... no, it was pretty good. The 1930s trams remain, the pleasure beach is still very good (which you now pay a single fee to enter, like other theme parks), the sea defenses are being imaginatively rebuilt and feature large pieces of modern art, and the weather was great. Unfortunately most of the bad bits remain; the nasty seafront hotels (ranging from sleazy to cheesy), rows of squalid chip shops, scruffy nightclubs, gaudy arcades (sometimes claiming to be 'casinos'), and souvenir tat shops. All place great emphasis on how cheap they are - clearly their patrons don't care much for quality.

It's rained virtually every day for the past couple of weeks and according to the forecast the following week will be no different, so I've tidied up the garage to allow the MX5 to return to hibernation. So this is the long hot summer, is it? I've racked up 850-odd miles in the BMW now, including 2 trips to Gloucester in the past couple of days. Driving through the countryside in a fancy car at double-time plus 40p per mile is an awful hardship, but somebody has to do it. The only fault has been a blown brake lamp bulb. When I opened up the panel to replace it, I found a frightening amount of ECUs and wiring, much more than the entire electrical system of the Mazda. Sadly, that means in less than 10 years probably all E39s will be a financial liability suited only to the brave or stupid... anybody who says they've already reached that level is very wrong and will be put on the sex offenders register.

BMW returned yesterday after having a new fuel pressure switch, low pressure pump and filter. It's all lovely now, I have to keep going out to drive it. It's got incredible handling and with 300lb/ft of torque is very swift too, it could possibly keep up with the Mazda on a B-road (no chance on a track though!) It requires absolutely no skill to drive quickly however, you just mash the pedal and point it. You'll see the traction-control light flashing occasionally and feel the ABS now and again, but you're aware all the hard work is being done for you. So there's no chance of the homicidal MX5 becoming obsolete. Yesterday saw the last of the Benz too. As I drove away, a couple of traders were crawling all over it... it reminded me of that scene from Ghost when Carl gets dragged away by those demons... No! My sills will pass another MOT, honest!

I was at a bit of a loose end last night, so thought I'd might as well fix the MX5. I'm an expert at head gaskets/timing belts on these things now, it could be an alternative career! It would have been completed in about 5 hours had Partco not sent the gasket I'd ordered back to the supplier. I got one from another factor but had to wait a couple of hours for delivery; this gave enough time for an enormous mixed grill at a pub with Mrs B. Car seems fine now, needs re-tuning but I'd forgotten I'd SORNed the bloody thing the other day so that's going to be a problem.... The Benz has returned temporarily, come back Blue Whale!